


Always had, and always will

by NoLongerSleepy



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Regret, The Author Regrets Everything, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoLongerSleepy/pseuds/NoLongerSleepy
Summary: It's been a week since Sakyo's burial.But...how come Izumi can still see him?
Relationships: Furuichi Sakyou/Tachibana Izumi
Comments: 27
Kudos: 60





	Always had, and always will

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this. Honestly I hate it so much. I couldn't finish this sooner 'cause I found myself crying while writing. 0/10, would not want to write major character death ever again. 
> 
> But I hope you'd read it until the end.

“Oi. Why are you still not sleeping?”

“Look, you made a mistake here. Stop losing focus.”

“Aren’t you aware that the weather is getting colder? Why are you going out without covering up more?”

_‘Just ignore him, Izumi. Just pretend you’re not hearing — or seeing anything.’_ Izumi kept walking towards the entrance, like everything was normal. _Except that it’s not._

“I know you can see me! Oi! Stop ignoring me, damn it!”

Izumi’s eyes slowly became filled with tears as her lips trembled. _‘Sakyo’s already... so why am I seeing him now, a week after his burial?’_

“Even if you ignore me, I’m not going to leave. Or at least, I can’t _—_ so talk to me.”

Izumi wiped her tears away and faced him. Sakyo’s eyes widened at the sight of Izumi’s crying face, because no matter how many times Izumi wiped her tears away, they just kept pouring down, like a storm _—_ a storm that kept breaking down the walls she built around her heart just be able to let go of Sakyo.

“You’re not real. You’re not _—_ you’re _—_ you’re already _—_ you’re just a figment of my imagination, that’s why I’ll ignore you until you gradually disappear.”

Her voice cracked so many times, the pain in her heart still refusing to accept the fact that he’s already passed on to the afterlife _— not._

“Director?” A voice was heard from the courtyard, making Izumi flinch. Izumi didn’t even notice someone was there with her. She looked behind her, and found Sakuya looking at her with worry written all over his face. “Why are you crying? Is it… Is it still Sakyo-san?”

Izumi quickly shook her head and smiled to reassure him. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me, Sakuya-kun.”

Sakuya, not believing her, just furrowed his eyebrows. “I-I also heard you talking, but who were you talking to, Director?”

Izumi panicked a little, but remembered that she’s holding her phone in her hand, so she showed it to him. “I-I was on a call. Sorry for that,” she lied. _You’re even lying to him, even when he’s just worried about you._

“I-I see. Well, please take care on your way home, Director.” Sakuya sent her off with a warm smile, knowing that it was the only thing he could do for her right now— to be cheerful, hoping that his cheerfulness could somehow help their dear director heal from the wounds in her heart.

She smiles at him and waved her hand. “Thank you. I’ll be back before dinner.”

Izumi, completely ignoring Sakyo, went on her way to help out at another theater troupe. But Sakyo was always coming after her, nagging her about every single thing.

But she didn’t feel annoyed. All she felt was pain, because she’s convinced that she’s just imagining him— that he’s a hallucination that her brain somehow crafted to help her cope with his death.

Hours passed and Izumi is now on her way to the train station. At this hour, Sakyo would be texting her, asking if she needs a lift. She glanced at the _entity_ walking besides her. Noticing this, Sakyo glared at her curiously. “What? You’ve been ignoring me all day, and _now_ you’re staring at me like you want to bore a hole through me.”

She blinked at him, then proceeded to ignore him until after they’ve eaten dinner.

After dinner, Izumi still felt like Sakyo’s following her, and when she turned around, she was right. He was still with her. Sighing, she opened the door to her room. As expected, Sakyo didn’t enter. _‘If he really was just my imagination, he would’ve entered… my illusion is way too much in character.’_

An hour passed and she couldn’t sleep no matter how much she tried. “Ugh, what the heck is wrong with me? Maybe I need some air,” she muttered to herself, then started walking towards the courtyard.

She almost screamed when she saw someone sitting on the bench near the garden, but realized that it was Sakyo. _‘He’s still here_?’

Sakyo didn’t expect to see her when he turned, so he was pretty surprised. “Director. Why are you out here, in the courtyard? It’s dangerous being here all by yourself.”

“I needed some air to clear my mind. And you’re here, too,” she replied. But Sakyo just looked at her like she just said the most stupid thing in the world. “W-Wait, oh… right. You’re— you’re already—” she couldn’t even say it, so she just pressed her lips together and avoided his gaze by looking up at the night sky. The moon was big and perfectly round— just like _that_ night.

“Director… I— I’m sorry, for following you all day, or by… simply existing. I have no idea why, either. I… I don’t want to torment you like this, but… you’re the only one who can see me.”

Izumi bit her lip after hearing him say that in the saddest tone she’s ever heard from Sakyo. She looked back at him, and tears started streaming down her face once more. “I-I’m sorry. It’s not like I hate seeing you— it just… it just hurts so much.”

Sakyo’s hand reached out to her face, to try and wipe her tears away, but his hand just passed through her. He felt so frustrated— he made her cry, and now she’s the reason for her tears. He just wants to disappear. 

...But he can’t.

Izumi clenched her fist before wiping the tears away. “I’m sorry for crying, _again._ I’m…” She breathed to calm herself before speaking again, “I… Anyway, did you have, um… you know, any kind of regret before you… that.”

Sakyo thought to himself. There are so many things he wanted to do— and so many things he wanted to _say_ — so at this point he has no idea which one of them is actually significant.

“I don’t know…” He trailed off.

Izumi thought for a second, before speaking up once again. “Are you sure? Was there anything you’d like to do, or do again, before you…”

“I’d like to do… huh.” Sakyo stared at the person in front of him, eyes filled with nothing but regret. _Too bad it was too dark for Izumi to see._ “I… I lo—” His eyes stared right into Izumi’s eyes. “I love—”

Izumi’s eyes sparkled in understanding— _or so she thought._

“You love theater, right? Maybe you had a play that you wanted to see?” She suggested, completely convinced. Sakyo stared at her for a few seconds, before sighing to himself. _‘You’re such an idiot, Izumi. I love theater, but… there’s something else I love more than that.’_

But he would never tell her that. 

“Maybe,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s worth a try, I guess.”

Izumi smiled at him, with a curious look on her face. “Do you have a play in mind?”

Sakyo thought for a second, but no matter how much he denies it, there was only one thing on his mind. His eyes darted back to her, and Izumi, noticing how Sakyo just outright started staring at her, hummed. “Hmm?”

“Remember during the first anniversary of the Mankai Company? That time you performed our former roles?” He began, and with pink-stained cheeks, he continued, “please perform that again. But this time, I’ll be Ginji, and… perform with you.”

Honestly, it really is too bad that it’s too dark, and Izumi missed the chance to see a blushing Sakyo right beside her. Izumi stared at him in surprise, like he just said something so… illogical. “You… want to see my acting? Didn’t you dislike it?”

He shrugged and hid a smile that was starting to form on his lips. “I never said that.”

Izumi pouted at him in annoyance. “I mean— I can do it, and I still have the lines memorized, but— but you’re just going to tease me about it, aren’t you?”

Sakyo chuckled and gave her a genuine smile. “Who knows?”

* * *

“Are you ready? If you forget your lines we’ll have to start over,” Sakyo teased Izumi, which, in turn, just made her more determined, albeit wanting to punch Sakyo in the face. “I have faith in my memory, okay?”

Sakyo smiled at her for one last time, and his whole aura changed the moment he started speaking his lines. “An honour to meet you. I go by the last name of Kazama, name’s Ginji. I look forward to working with you.”

_‘He really is such an amazing actor. I’ll… I’ll really miss seeing him act.’_

“Say, Kazama. What should I do?” Izumi approached him, her delivery a bit monotone, which almost made Sakyo chuckle. 

_‘I’ll miss hearing her monotone voice when she’s acting.’_

“Get a grip of yourself, Ken,” he replied to Izumi, his tone firm and serious, his acting really is the kind of acting that can get people’s attention from a single line. “Now that boss is gone, you’re the only young one who’s capable of carrying on the Tatsuta group.”

Izumi recited her lines like she was a grade school pupil reading in class, while Sakyo acted with all his might, bringing Kazama into life with every movement and word he spouted out of his mouth. It was amazing how he was able to be consistent with his acting, even if his co-lead was a mess. _But considering who it was, Sakyo is just… happy._

“Kazama, get on!” Shouted Izumi, as she approached Sakyo during their final dialogue. 

_‘She’s standing on the wrong spot. And she’s even using the wrong hand… what a fool.’_

“Young master, what are you doing here…?” Sakyo asked, in both a surprised and gentle tone. 

_‘Fuck. Why… Why did I have to die? I still want to act on the stage...’_

“It’s easy to read what your train of thoughts is. I’m a little late, though.” Izumi told him, smiling, but her eyes were starting to get filled with tears. “Hey, it’s over for the Tatsuta group.”

_‘Sakyo-san… You really are such an amazing actor… and.. And what? A… A friend..._?’

“What are you talking about!?” Sakyo said in a tone filled with power and frustration. His eyes stared right through Izumi’s, and she could’ve sworn her knees almost gave out. _‘Sakyo-san, too much intensity! I’ll die here!’_

“Y-Yokota came to settle things once and for all. He said that he’d let us all off if we surrendered unconditionally.” Izumi, as monotone as ever, actually quite got how nonchalantly this line was supposed to be spoken with. 

_‘Her eyes… really is beautiful— even more when she’s acting. Hmph. She really is such a theater nerd. I’ll miss this… so much.’_

Izumi kept on acting with Sakyo. There were times where she giggled, even when the scene was serious, because she just find Sakyo’s acting so beautiful… that it made her want to watch him acting forever.

As their last lines came, Izumi felt like there’s a lump inside her throat, strangling her, as Ken’s last dialogue with Kazama finally came. “As if Yokota would keep to his word.”

Izumi opened her mouth, and her lips trembled as she said “…It’s so pathetic it’s laughable. Right, Kazama?”

Sakyo proceeded to act the next scenes by himself, from the action scenes, to his dialogue with Yokota. He was so good, that you’d think he was actually talking and fighting someone else. Izumi didn’t realize that tears had already streamed down her face as she watched him.

“My dragon cries out every night, you know? That it wants to kill and devour bastards just like you!” He shouted— powerful, brave, and earnest.

Izumi’s vision slowly became blurred, as tears flooded her eyes.

_‘Huh..? Why… Why am I..?’_

She watched him, acting out all those scenes by himself, yet for Izumi, it was the most fulfilling play she’d ever seen. Her hand slowly made their way towards her mouth as she covered it, trying to keep her sobs to herself. 

_‘Why did he have to die? He looks so… alive. He looks like he’s having so much fun. He doesn’t look… dead.’_

Her knees gave in as she slumped to the floor, feeling so weak from the pain. Tears were all over her face, and when Sakyo faced Izumi after his last scene, he felt so much pain when he realized she was crying. _Again._

She could no longer hide the sobs as she cried.

And cried.

And cried.

Sakyo immediately walked towards her and attempted to embrace her, but his hand just slipped through.

‘ _Fuck. I can’t even hold her_ — _even when she’s breaking apart right in front of me. Even when the reason for her pain… is me.’_

“Izumi— don’t— p-please don’t cry—”

Izumi stared right into his face, her eyes burning with anger and sadness at the same time. “Don’t you dare tell me to stop crying! I’m— I’m so hurt! W-Why did you just leave us like that?!”

She clenched her fist in an attempt to hold herself back from breaking apart, but to no avail. She just kept sobbing in front of Sakyo. “Why did you leave me behind?! Weren’t we— weren’t we supposed to win the Fleur Award together? Why did you— I—” Her voice broke so many times. "I-I was waiting for you! That night! Because you told me that you had something you needed to tell me!”

Sakyo’s eyes widened. How could he forget? How could he forget _that_?

“Do you have— do you have any idea how scared I was when Sakoda told us you got into an accident?!” Izumi’s voice broke once more, her lips trembling, as her breathing hitched. “I— I almost lost my mind! The fear I felt at that moment was so terrifying! When I saw you…”

Her sobs became louder as she remembered everything that took place that night. Her blouse started to become soaked in tears, and God knows how much Sakyo wanted to wipe her tears away.

“When I saw you, all bandaged— all the bruises on your face and neck— Those—” her eyes filled with despair, she continued, albeit stuttering as her lips trembled in pain. “Those medical contraption connected on your body, as I stood beside your bed in the ICU— do you have any _fucking_ idea how many times I wanted to hug you?!”

She reached out her hand, and clenched it, her fingers turning white. “I— I held your hand. I held your hand so tightly because maybe… maybe if I held your hand tight enough you’d stay with us! Maybe if I didn’t let you go, you’d still be here… with us.”

Sakyo’s face is now filled with tears as well. Who knew ghosts could also cry? He wanted to hold her, embrace her, _so bad,_ but reality was cruel.

“And then— that— that sound— the line— do you know how weak and small I felt as your lifeline started to be flat? I-I wanted to help, I wanted to do anything I can— to make you come back— I wanted to scream at you! To tell you to come back! To tell you that you shouldn’t leave! But what can I do? I— I’m not a doctor! I couldn’t do anything for you!” Izumi covered her face with her hands as she continued to sob.

“I couldn’t do anything for you… I’m… I’m sorry” she whispered in between her sobs, and Sakyo just wanted to disappear.

For making her cry. For hurting her like this.

_For leaving her._

Sakyo clenched his fist and gritted his teeth from the frustration he was feeling at that moment. He’d do anything— _anything_ — to come back to life. But that’s not impossible. He’s already… dead.

He wiped his tears away and gathered enough courage to speak, even while feeling so much pain, regret, and frustration all at the same time. He gently squatted down in front of her. “Directo— No. Izumi.”

Slowly, Izumi looked up at him, and God knows how much Sakyo wanted to embrace her right then and there when he saw her puffy eyes and tear-filled face. “What? If you’re just going to apologize for—”

Sakyo shook his head, and smiled— _sadly._

“I think I now know what my… lingering regret was.”

Izumi’s eyes widened at that.

_Is she happy?_

_Sakyo would be able to move on. He will finally be at peace._

_But…_

_‘I won’t be able to see Sakyo… ever again.’_

But she can’t let him wander here forever. He needs to be put to rest, even if it’ll kill her with too much despair.

Knowing that, she smiled, like she isn’t in pain… like that was what she wanted with her whole heart. “R-Really? Then… We have to fulfill it…” She tried to sound happy with it, but everyone knows how bad she is with acting, that her voice broke mid sentence.

Sakyo clenched his fist before speaking up again. “Remember when I said I had something to tell you when I get back? I think it was that one… because I couldn’t tell you.”

_Pain._

_Pain struck Sakyo and Izumi’s heart, knowing that they only have a few minutes left before Sakyo completely… disappears._

“T-Then you just have to tell me, right? I’m here, t-to listen, Sakyo-san.”

Sakyo nodded, and took a deep breath before staring right into Izumi’s eyes. “One of the reasons why I continued to help the Mankai Company from going bankrupt was… to see you again. I only wished for one thing in this world, and that was to meet you again.”

A little smile formed on his lips. “And I’m so happy that it came true. But I found myself wishing for more each day. I wished to see you, and be with you forever. I wished to make you smile each day. I wished… to be the one who can make you happy.”

A single tear escaped from Sakyo’s eyes, and Izumi just stared at him, processing what he was saying. Her fingers trembled from both pain and… anticipation.

“Looks like the universe said that I’m being too greedy, that’s why they decided to take me away from you.” Once again, tears started to flow from Izumi’s eyes as she listened, seeing all the pain in Sakyo’s eyes. His voice breaking did not help at all.

“I was never greedy in my life. I was content with what I had. But whenever I’m with you, I just find myself wanting more.” Another tear streamed down Sakyo’s face and she tried to hold Izumi’s hand, only for it to pass through her. “That night was the peak of my greed, because finally… I finally had the courage to confess.”

Izumi’s lips parted in surprise, as more tears flowed from her eyes. The pain in her heart surged, and it felt like something was blocking her lungs— she couldn’t breathe.

Sakyo lifted his hand to her face, and tried to wipe away all the tears that were wetting her face, but once again, he just passed through her. Seeing this, another tear fell on his face.

“All these years… All these years, I’ve been in love with you, Izumi. I’m so sorry… that I was too late.”

Izumi’s sobs started once again, as the realization hit her— Sakyo was in love with her… _and so was she. All this time, she had been in love with Sakyo._

_That’s why it hurt so much._

_That’s why she couldn’t move on._

_That’s why… she can’t even let go of him right now._ _  
__  
_“Sakyo— S-Sakyo, I— I’m also—” she tried to speak, but she was sobbing so hard her voice quavered as she started to hiccup. “I’m also— I’m also in love with you, Sakyo. I— I just never realized.” She looked at him, helplessness was written all over her face. “I’m sorry I was also too late. I’m— I’m so sorry, Sakyo.”

Sakyo’s eyes widened in shock, not expecting her response at all. When Izumi apologized, he just started crying with her. He wasn’t the kind of person who’ll cry like this, but at that moment, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Don’t apologize, Izumi. It's not your fault. I’m— I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry… for leaving you like that,” he muttered as he tried to caress her cheeks.

Both their eyes widened when they felt it— Sakyo’s hand was able to touch her cheeks.

“Sakyo, I fe—” She smiled when she felt that, but her smile vanished in an instant the moment she looked back at him.

He was slowly disappearing.

_Times up._

With a sad smile, Sakyo opened his arms. He was crying, his face filled with nothing but tears, and Izumi just hugged him tightly, without hesitation. She hugged him, as if he’d stay if she squeezed him hard enough.

Sakyo just embraced her so tightly, as he kissed the top of Izumi’s head. The girl in her arms was crying, so loudly, that the guys might hear her and just rush towards the practice room where they’re sitting.

“Make sure to take care of yourself, okay?”

Izumi just nodded while sobbing in his arms.

“Don’t push yourself too hard. You have the leaders with you. They’ll help you manage the company.”

Izumi’s arm just squeezed him tighter— as if telling him, _‘don’t go,.’_

“I’m sorry I can’t help you out anymore. I’m sorry I had to leave so soon… I’ll be watching you, okay?”

Sakyo planted another kiss on her head.

“I only have one remaining wish…” he whispered, and he slowly loosened his hold on her, to make her look at him. “...and that is for you to be happy.”

Izumi panicked the moment he let go of her. Deep in her heart, she knew… that she only had a few seconds left. “Sakyo, I—”

“I love you, Izumi. Always had, and always will.”

The moment he finished saying it, Sakyo completely disappeared, like he was never there.

Tears started to flood her eyes once again, her voice getting hoarse from crying so hard.

“Sakyo! You left without letting me say goodbye again! H-How… How could you do this to me again?!”

She couldn’t even see anything anymore from all the tears. 

Everything seemed like a dream—a nightmare that she will never be able to wake up from.

“Sakyo, I love you! I… I love you so… why did you leave me like this?”

She looked up at the ceiling, and with her heart getting ripped into pieces, to the point where it can never be the same way again, she whispered into the air.

  
  
  


_“Don’t go.”_

  
  



End file.
